While this might seem to be a strange post for someone who works with homesteading and preparedness, it’s actually pretty beneficial for like-minded people because if you are running around doing things for everyone else, you aren’t able to keep your main focus on your own homestead.
Many years ago, when I attended a church in North FL, I threw myself into anything and everything under the belief that I was serving the church and ultimately God. I became very burnt out after a few years and had folks try to tell me that the reason I was burnt out wasn’t because I was doing too much but rather, I wasn’t leaning on the Lord.
While I’m sure they were well meaning folks, I have since come to realize that I have zero desire to continue down a path that leads me to exhausting myself to where I can’t take care of my family or the home I’ve been given.
When I first become a mother, the women in our church had instituted “play dates” for their infants as soon as they were mobile. Let that sink in for a minute. These children can’t even wipe their behind much less have a rational conversation, but these women are already planning play dates. I don’t hate the church we attended, but I saw some concerning things after I became a parent and finally pulled the plug on attending there.
I have since come to the conclusion that not only should a child’s day not be so controlled that every minute is filled with activities, but a woman’s schedule should not have every moment controlled either. We need to let our kids learn to entertain themselves without needing us every waking moment and we women need to be able to sit down and not feel like we have to control everything.
I’m going to submit two suggestions to you that you just might completely rebel against, but I want you to spend time really thinking about it. Hang on for the ride! My first suggestion is to please stop dragging your children to baseball games, ballet practice, football practice and other similar activities. If you look at the statistical probabilities of your children becoming a professional in something they took a couple years of as kids, it’s rare. I find this practice mostly common for suburban upper middle folks versus the lower-middle class folks. While you may want to argue, the numbers just don’t lie and quite bluntly if they do make it to the professional stature but end up getting physically disabled, they are left without anything to fall back on. So, why are you spending hours of your day, chunks of your finances and sacrificing your sanity?
My second suggestion is that if you start to feel overwhelmed but find yourself saying yes to anything and everything that your church is involved in, start learning to say no and stop feeling like you should feel guilty for protecting your time. Believe it or not, God will work out how to provide a dessert and drink for that upcoming event. Believe it or not, you don’t need to buy a baby shower gift for someone in church that you have no friendly connections with nor are currently pursuing friendship with. You don’t need to throw yourself into the latest charity bake sale just because you’ve done it for the last five years in a row.
In fact, get a notepad/pen or open a text document on your phone and start practicing using some of the statements I’ve used to politely decline some event or request.
- “Unfortunately, I’m terribly busy right now but if something changes, I can let you know.”
- “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m pretty much booked with activities this week.”
- “That does sound like fun, but I have a lot of projects I’m already juggling right now.”
- “I already have planned that day but thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate it!”
- “I can’t fit that into my schedule this week, I’ll let you know if I get an opening.”
- “While I enjoyed being involved last year, I won’t be able to help out this year. Thank you for thinking of me though.”
- “That sounds like it would be so much fun, but right now I have a lot on my plate and can let you know if something changes.”
- “Let me talk with my husband and if I’m able to be involved, I’ll let you know beforehand.”
- “Our family is downsizing our finances this year and we won’t be able to do that activity this year.”
- “We have a pretty tight budget, but if you decide to do something that’s free or super cheap then let me know and I might join in.”
- “I can’t really be involved in that right now but circle back to me next time you have the event.”
We need a resurgence in reverting back to old family traditions and training up our children that it’s perfectly acceptable to say no and not feel bad about it. When is the last time you went on a family walk or bike ride in your neighborhood? When is the last time your family had a meal together? When was the last time you had movie night? How long has it been since you weren’t volunteered to go somewhere or pressured to invite over for dinner? We got an honest to goodness real old school phone and if you want to call me for an emergency, you better call that because I’m not living with my cell phone attached to my hip.
It’s okay to say no, whether you have a huge chore list on the homestead to take care of or you just need a mental health day, there should be zero guilt in defending the choices for you and your family. I wanted to suggest some signs and symptoms you should look for that would fall under the category of “burnt out”. If you say yes to a handful of these, it might be time to start getting in the habit of saying ‘no’ .
- Feel tired more often than not
- Unable to cope easily
- Insomnia
- Anxious or Irritable
- Depressed
- Feeling Resentful
- Lack of Mental Focus
- Forgetful
- Headaches or Migranes
- Stomach Indigestion
- Sleep disturbances
- Panic attacks
- Light sensitivity
- Frequently feeling sick
- Heightened emotional response
- Overly sensitive to touch
- Lose interest in things you once enjoyed
- Get told that you “look tired”
- Consume more alcohol or cigs than before
- Sensitive to sound
Please be advised that there is the typical generalized burn out that can develop with anyone but there is a fair amount of research coming out about what is being called, “Care Giver Burn Out”. If you take care of an aging parent or if you have special needs children, you are at a much higher risk of developing burn out and will need to be even more conscious of your time and energy.
Suburban & Rural Homesteading Today 