I have three teenagers and I constantly try to remind them that they need to worry more about getting themselves situated in life before they concern themselves with any other persons life. It’s a common mentality of the younger generation to have this desire to “make an impact” because they feel like they have to be actively involved in trying to stand up and save everyone. While there are numerous problems with having a “savior” mentally, one of the big issues with the savior complex is that there are individuals who are willing to forego caring for their own family members but they will gladly hand over hundreds or thousands of dollars to an organization that guilts you into giving them money.
While you may believe that this post has nothing to do with homesteading, you would be incorrect in your assumption. If you can obtain a self sufficient lifestyle, it will put you into a place where you actually can help many others. When it comes to the ideology of permaculture, there is a tenet where by you are called to care for not only nature but those around you.
You must come to the understanding that if you can’t save yourself then you aren’t in any real position to save anyone else. So, start with focusing on how you can improve your life and health so that you can move on to the next level of caring for others. You must be willing to acknowledge that there are blind spots in your life that you need to locate and weed out. Have a real moment where you sit down and access where you are in your life and if you aren’t happy right now, you need to discover why. Do you struggle with alcohol addiction, chain smoking or drug use? Are you addicted to porn? Do you spend hours sitting in front of a computer gaming? Are you happy in your job? Are you estranged from your parents and siblings? Does every romantic relationship end the exact same way? Are you losing friends left and right because of your treatment of them? Do you spend hours in front of the tv watching sports or tv series? Do you run your kids around to soccer, ballet, dance, etc. but you don’t have the time to start a small vegetable garden?
Transform your mindset and the road to self sufficiency can lead to the road of saving the lives of others. You don’t need millions of friends or dollars to make an impact in the lives of other human beings.
I should point out here that the reason the graph doesn’t list “spouse and kids” is because the graph is made for a single person not a married person. However, if you are married and have children, then they would be in between “self” and “parents/siblings”. How can you help serve your spouse? Ask them. While you might not be able to fulfill every little desire they have, you can discover small gestures to help serve them better. For some spouses it may help give them a peace to know that when they come home, dinner is already made and on the table. It may be something as simple as washing dishes, folding clothes or taking out the trash without being asked.
If you are blessed with children, find out what you can do to show personal attention to each one and express not only your love for them but a desire to serve them in a way that they actually would appreciate. It’s easy to assume we know what our kids needs are, but asking them and seeking out the little individual soul will go a long way and even strengthen your relationship with them. Do they have a passion for learning about architecture, economics, art, or gardening? Take an interest and get them some books to help nourish their soul.
How can we best serve our parents and siblings? I will say that I am NOT an advocate for enabling any adult individual to become a mooch off you. If you have good parent(s) or sibling(s), who are just having a rotten time of luck in their life and you can somehow bless them, then truly consider doing it. If your parents are struggling to pay for groceries, consider not only giving them a bit of money but possibly building a garden in their backyard and teach them how to be self sufficient. If you have excess vegetables or fruit from your personal garden, and your family has no need of it, then the next people you should consider giving it to is your parents or siblings.
If you are a single person still living at home, take initiative and see what you can do around your families house to best serve them. Are there dishes that need washing and putting away? Is there trash that needs taking out? Does the garage need organizing? Does the siding on their home have algae growth? Grab a backpack sprayer and get to work! Does your parents car need cleaning and vacuuming inside? If you have your license, consider taking on the task of driving your family members to where they need to go during the day.
If you are blessed to have your grandparents still alive, then you should consider how you can possibly serve them. Remember that for a large portion of their life, the most likely cared for you and if you can somehow dedicate a portion of your time serving them in some way, it’s worth it. If they are able to still physically move around and harvest their own vegetables, discuss with them the possibility of setting up a garden somewhere in their yard. Some families raise chickens or goats which frequently nets you an excess of eggs or goat milk, which you could pass along to your grandparents as well. Offer to take your grandparents to their doctors appointments, grocery shopping or even to bingo if it allows you to serve them in love.
As you continue down the list of family members you can serve, you need to develop a keen ear to listen to where they are struggling and see if you have the time, money or capabilities to help in whatever area they need assistance. A fairly common problem people have, is thinking they know what’s best for other human beings without asking them and getting their input. Not only is this likely to cause problems between you and your family, it shows a level of arrogance that isn’t productive or conducive to strengthening your familial bonds.
In my younger years, I knew a married couple who would frequently come up short and would share their worry that they wouldn’t be able to purchase groceries, baby formula or diapers for their family. Without delving deeper into why they struggled, my husband and I gave them a few hundred dollars to help them care for their family. Not long after we gave them the money, we discovered that it wasn’t that they weren’t being paid well but that they were wasting their income. I discovered that the husband had a penchant for spending their income on improving the speaker system of his car or would blow it on smokes or alcohol. The wife would buy hundreds of dollars in gifts for extended family members on their birthdays or would spend hundreds on multiple pairs of shoes.
I’ll never suggest that you blindly give of yourself to those who just want to guilt and take from those who have a servants heart, so be wise in how you choose to serve others. I’ve met numerous couples who are human black holes that just try to suck every bit of joy out of your life while making their life better. I would err on the side of caution when it comes to loaning or even outright giving of cash to your family members or friends, it rarely ends well for the party doing the giving. A homemade loaf of bread, fresh eggs, fresh milk or fermented foods from your family make excellent gifts to others.
When you get to a place where you can start looking at how to assist neighbors or your local community, always retrace your steps so that you don’t become overwhelmed. Small steps are much easier to take than giant leaps. Ask around your community if anyone is interested in having a gathering to learn about gardening, animal husbandry, candle making, canning, fermenting foods, making homemade wine or any other number or homesteading skills you might like to share with others.
When you finally make it to a place where you are able to be involved in humanitarian support, do as much research as you can about the organization that you are interested in aligning with before you dedicate a single ounce of time or money to them. Frequently, organizations are more interested in volunteers from medical backgrounds so they will happily prefer to seek out financial support from you. Use an abundance of caution when giving any organization your money, even a religious one. There have been numerous instances of fraud, rampant sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect and deceit amongst a number of seemingly well meaning humanitarian organizations.
If you are interested in more of a local humanitarian support and are blessed with a large portion of land, consider that some homesteading farmers actually grow extra produce to donate to local city rescue missions or other supportive organizations. In today’s current climate, city rescue missions and outreach groups are struggling to keep food on their shelves and many of them rarely get fresh vegetables to hand out to families. Raw food products are rarely found in abundant supply, so you would have a wonderful opportunity to fill that void for them. You can even get together with other neighbors and combine your efforts to help provide fresh foods.
I hope to expound further on my ideas but wanted to put it out there for others to start considering as we enter a time where hundreds of individuals are facing not only job loss, but lack of groceries and nutrition. You could potentially save the lives of your fellow man, right in your own community.
P.S. Don’t feel guilty for considering your needs (good health, better diet, exercise, etc.) first before tending to those around you. Every time I fly the cabin crew says the same thing, before trying to put on your child’s oxygen mask, put on yours first, then see to their needs. Why? Because you have to care for yourself before you care for others.
Suburban & Rural Homesteading Today 